Sometimes we go through days where we just feel like crap about ourselves. We feel like failures, like we are worthless, and unloved.
Today was one of those days for me...I was feeling especially lonely.
So, as people my age tend to do, I started wishing for affirmation and affection, (well love really) from a significant other.
While I was at work I spent a lot of time chatting up my male coworkers and trying desperately to get their attention. Their reactions were not satisfactory since they, completely ignorant of what I was wanting, waved my actions off as just being hyper. I was becoming increasingly frustrated so I gave up.
For the rest of the night I worked silently and brooded angrily about all the failed relationships I've had and how much I just didn't matter to any of them.
Cause you know...that's what smart thing to do if you want to feel better. (not)
At the end of the night, my co-workers left me to finish the cleaning (thanks guys XD) which just made me feel even more unloved.
While I finish up the dishes I pray, "God, I know you love me, I'm just feeling unloved tonight. Help me to feel loved."
Right after the prayer, one of my co-workers, Megan, suddenly returns to the bakery to wait for me. She explains that she had been waiting for her husband to tell her what they needed from the store. Though it doesn't exactly make me feel loved...I am pleasantly surprised.
That was a fast response... I think
Then, out of no where...DUN DUN DUN....an ex-boyfriend walks in...
Throat falls into the stomach and the jaw to the floor.
Gotta compose myself...
This particular boy and I hadn't necessarily ended on bad terms, but we hadn't really been on speaking terms either. (Not my decision, I had tried to reach out to I want to clam up and go to my room...but shutting people out when you are upset is never a good idea...so reluctantly I tell my parents that I'm upset and why.
"I know I'm loved...I just don't feel that way sometimes...I'm just lonely. I guess."
My mom pets my head and hugs me.
"It's okay honey! You know we love you!"
I laugh, "It's different because you're my parents! I just want a boyfriend sometimes..."
"Oooooh you can't hurry love," My dad starts singing..
"Nooooo you just have to wait! OH LOVE DON"T COME EASY!!!!"
He starts to dance making me laugh even harder.
I feel better so I go into my room smiling and thanking God for showing me love through my parents.
But He isn't done yet.
I pull out my phone and notice I have a text message...it's from Jake.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I've treated you. You were the nicest girl I've ever dated and you deserve the best."
He didn't have to say that...he didn't have to send anything like that at all...but he did...and I'm gonna chalk that up to God's influence.
Obviously God didn't MAKE him send any of that, but God's timing and design is perfect. He knew what I needed to hear, and He knew who I needed to hear it from.
God is a genius.
But He STILL wasn't done!
I had to go get my sister from work (she works at the local news station) so smiling and feeling lighthearted, I get in the car.
The INSTANT I start the car and the radio station tunes in I hear the DJ announce "The new one from Christ Tomlin."
I know which one it is...It's the one I'm gonna post below.
Listen to the whole thing, especially the chorus.
Have a good night everyone and remember, YOU ARE LOVED!